Damn...how I hate days like this...I'm totaly out since Saturday...since that damn boarder line broke out again...trying to get it under control again..but not doing so well in that...I'm pulling back from everybody again...though I don't want to...try not to...it seems harder this time to gain control...though I don't know why...I'm not even sure if it's a good thing to write all of this down...but I need to...can't realy talk about it...don't know what to say to explain why I scratch my arms again...don't even know by myself why I'm doing it...only thing I do know at the moment is that I don't want to go on...but have to because of the kids...bloody hell...how I sometimes hate myself and my life